2002-07-17 @ 2:52 p.m.

my life is chaos right now. its a chaotic mess filled with verbal beatings, screaming matches, holes left in doors and an incredible amount of confusion and pain.

i cant even really talk about whats happening. so.

this describes whats going on in my life better than what i am capable of right now. im going away. literally. for a couple of days at least. i dont know when ill be back. i dont know whats going to happen.

im sorry i lost myself.

'that particular time' by alanis morissette

my foundation was rocked
my tried and true way to deal was to vanish
my departures were old
i stood in the room shaking in my boots
at that particular time love had challenged me to stay
at that particular moment i knew not to run away again
that particular month i was ready to investigate with you
at that particular time

we thought a break would be good
for four months we sat and vacillated
we thought a small time apart
would clear up the doubts that were abounding
at that particular time love encouraged me to wait
at that particular moment it helped me to be patient
that particular month
we needed time to marinate in what 'us' meant

ive always wanted for you what youve wanted for yourself
and yet i wanted to save us high water or hell
and i kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt
and in the meantime i lost myself
in the meantime i lost myself
im sorry i lost myself….i am

you knew you needed more time
time spent alone with no distraction
you felt you needed to fly solo and high to define what you wanted
at that particular time love encouraged me to leave
at that particular moment i knew staying with you meant deserting me
that particular month was harder than youd believe
but i still left
at that particular time