2004-01-23 @ 12:11 a.m.

the doctor told us today that my mother has "a few to six months" left to live.

and tonight i found comfort in the arms of a 75 year old african american woman from alabama. my uncles mother. who comes to my mothers room to pray a few times a week. and as i hugged her goodbye, she wouldnt let go and i wouldnt let go. and it was the first real hug. you know. in a really long time. and i cried and cried and she whispered prayers into my ear.

my heart feels like its gone away. it just isnt there anymore. and my insides feel empty. and really. there are no words to describe this.

i just. hurt so much.