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2002-07-08 @ 2:24 p.m. dear moonie im sorry i dont write to you like i used to. those long rambly cantering on messages about my day. the things i saw and the places i went and the feelings i felt. its like you were there with me. when i was there. i was always thinking. i cant wait to get home and write about this. i cant wait to get home and tell you. where each email was chunked into days of the week. you were this friend. this sister. you filled up all the holes in me left from all the loneliness i was feeling then. and im still lonely. but this time its not so easy to pacify. or forget about. whatever it was that i was doing. im sorry i dont write to you like i used to. i wish i could. thats the thing. i dont feel like i can. ive lost some vital part of me. i think. or maybe ive just lost track of it. and someday ill stumble upon it again. im in such a different space than i was two years ago. in some ways thats a good thing. but in a lot of ways. its not. im lacking the stimulation. this town doesnt leave me anything to write about like the city did. this town doesnt inspire like the colors, smells and sounds of new york. the only thing i hear here is the traffic whizzing by. the only thing i see is the cars and the greenhouse across the street from my second story window. the only colors are blue and green and black and beige. i started this 100 words thing. hoping it would help. help me rediscover this missing piece of me. but i only did the first day. and then i did today. and i was slacking for the last six days. so i dont think its helping. im not sure how to get this back. im not sure where to look. but when i find it. youll be the first to know. miss you. love |