2001-12-30 @ 7:50 p.m.

i think im the only one i know who isnt looking forward to the new year. everyone i know is all about the fresh-start-time-for-new-opportunities thing. not that i want to stay in 2001. but i just dont see the brightness of a new year. its the same. nothing is changing. tuesday isnt the start of anything great. its just another day. and a continuation of life. and for me. i guess. that is not necessarily a good thing.

and besides. i dont really like the pressure and the stress that comes along with. the 'what are you doing for new years?' we have always done something fun, something good. and this year. is better than some. we have six friends driving to our house from every part of new england. but. i still dont like the pressure of the whole new year thing.

i was inspired by her though and am thinking about things i loved this year. so. things i loved. about 2001. the suprise thirtieth birthday party that brought out my oldest friends. learning even more about them. seeing and recognizing their amazing-ness. each of them. welcoming my brand new nephew into the world on may eighth. seeing my brother really smile and be happy. my obsession with all things french. finding this house. taking a very long flight to vietnam in january and overcoming my fear of flying. the all around incredible-ness of that trip. learning so many new things. watching my wondrous niece grow up. happenings at my job that have challenged me. professionally, creatively, morally, and emotionally. meeting a lot of new people through my job. feeling a part of something bigger. movies like 'serendipity' and 'dancer in the dark' and 'you can count on me' and 'amelie' and 'pollock' and 'life as a house'. books like 'shutterbabe' and 'spilling open: the art of becoming yourself'. and discovering new music like gillian welch, jian ghomeshi, rufus wainwright and sam shaber. the show of my photography at a local gallery. the opportunities. the high moments. the questions about myself that come along with living every day. i loved all of them.

with that said. after having spoken with a friend about the whole new year thing. ive made a list. of things i want to do this year. not resolutions. just things. i want to do. this year. it started out as a couple. and just kept growing. ive decided to put a link to it on my page here. and cross them out as/if i accomplish one. keep tabs at least to some degree. so you can all check in on how im doing. so here they are.

-make a final decision on a domain name
-complete new website
-spend more quality time with my six year old neice
-renew my Y membership and actually go
-use my k1000 and my holga more
-take a yoga class
-double my savings by the end of 2002 (barring any monstrous purchases)
-relearn french
-stick up for myself more
-keep in better touch with my friends
-send out my portfolio/apps to photo agencies
-go for more walks/hikes
-start seeing a therapist again
-work a lot more on my own photography
-take more b/w film photos
-eat healthier
-write more (in any form)
-exercise regularly
-take daily vitamins
-say 'no' to things that i know will be bad or painful for me, despite what everyone else wants
-find myself
-take my st johns wort for a good long time and really see if it helps
-do more things that feed my creativity
-get a handle on my temper and work out my anger issues
-travel more
-go to paris in july
-read twelve books
-be more honest with people about how im feeling
-make peace with the past
-create more collages
-get all of my debt (student loans) consolidated
-volunteer at that animal shelter nearby
-go on more solo road trips
-go through old boxes and throw stuff out/give to salvation army
-finally buy this house we are living in
-stop sitting on my ass wishing for things i could have if i just got up and went after them
-do some gardening in the spring/summer
-cook more often, and not the same old meals
-make some sort of peace with my father
-go back to school, or at least take a class somewhere
-be kind to myself